Love Hate Reviews

Since these awful things came out in 1979, which, incidentally, was the year of my birth- which makes this toy, like, old- it’s been loved by children and despised by parents everywhere. I recently purchased this fifty-dollar monstrosity at Target because it was on sale, and, well… Every kid loves the thing. Even though it’s colors are garish and Ronald McDonald-inspired and you know you don’t have room for it, it’s practically a childhood requirement. Because you have to put this thing together before you can actually use it, I’m going to start with:

The Bad

“Some Assembly Required”

When my other kids inevitably ended up with these, they always came second or third-hand and pre-built. So, when I purchased it and noted that the box was only half the size of the small freezer-box-ish actual size of the toy, I figured I’d just have to pop on the yellow parts, snap on a steering wheel and some tires and we’d be good to go.

Yeah. Not so much.

I pulled the main body piece out of the box in the driveway and pieces went flying everywhere. I eventually fished the last tire out of the rosebushes and got started. The instructions are the kind with 30 steps that all involve arrows and pictures, but no actual words.

(You can go to YouTube and watch an instructional video if you are so inclined. But the video will make you hate the guy. He does in like 18 minutes what it takes most people 3-4 hours to do.  Seriously- Read the comments, especially on part two. Also, the music will make you want to scream after a bit.)

Anyway, deciphering what those pictures actually meant was sort of like trying to read hieroglyphics. Eventually my husband came down to find the source of the hammering and swearing and he and I puzzled over the meanings of some of the pictures together. There was a lot of turning the page upside-down and “What is THAT and where is it going into?” conversation. A few words would have been nice. Where they show pictures of you attaching the stickers, for example,  just the word “stickers” as a clue would have saved people quite a bit of time.

(For future reference: Step Twelve is stickers. See, if I say the word “stickers” the above picture totally makes sense, right?)

So, they have you start with the wheels. Trying to fit the caps on to the rods that act as axles for the tires, even with the handy capping tools included required more hands (and feet) than most people actually have. It involves balancing the entire thing on one side on a pedestal about an inch in diameter, while keeping twenty pounds of floating plastic car still, and properly aligned and trying not to hit yourself with a hammer. I utilized some really cool yoga skills as I used my legs to hold the car up on it’s side while trying to hit the capping tool above me with the hammer.

After wrangling all four wheels into their (wobbly) places comes what I’d assumed would be the easy part. Snapping on the roof and support beams. The pictures show hands holding the supports and then an arrow pointing left and an arrow pointing right.

What the picture failed to show was the  rubber mallet, and the container of cooking oil or dish soap you will need to alternately lube the holes and beat it with in order to get this thing into place.  The bottom of the supports are hook shaped, and it seems like they should have just snapped easily into place. They don’t. The hand maneuver required to get them in is like some sort of secret handshake that takes years to master. Once you do it, it seems so easy in retrospect, but figuring it out entailed about twenty minutes, two people, several swears and much damaging and warping of the plastic. This is the MOST common complaint I have found about this product, I have yet to see a commenter or reviewer that hasn’t had issues with this part: it will drive you insane. Some people have actually returned it because they were simply unable to complete this step. It’s not easy, but after the fact I did see the use of a mallet and dish soap suggested several times, so it might be worth a try.

Nothing ends up sitting flush, either, no matter how hard you try. You have to sit on the roof while screwing support screws into the inside of the car, and even then, there will be gaps where the roof meets the car and supports.  And don’t get me started on the screwing. Save yourself a lot of aggravation, and use a drill. The only thing that actually snapped easily into place was the headlights. Even the ignition was kind of a pain in the butt.

Anyway: Expect to spend an average of three to four hours on assembly. And, once you are finished…

The First Thing Your Child Does…

Once you have assembled this masterpiece, you’ll present it to your child. Who will then jump in, putting their feet onto the ground in preparations for some Fred Flinstone -esque action. They’ll kick off, slide off of the seat, fall out through the leg holes, and end up running themselves over with the car as they emerge from between the front tires. Unless their head gets stuck between the pavement and the front of the car, that is.

It’s Ugly

I know, it’s a classic. Red and yellow. There’s just something about that particular shade of red and that particular shade of yellow. I wish they had some updated color options. I mean,they do have a few less garish versions, the police car for example, and an even more awful pink version, so you do have choices.

It’s Big.

Seen Here, Towering Over the Competition. Even the Power Wheels.

“Great, one more thing to take up space in the garage.” was the comment I got from my husband. It’s not easily stored anywhere and can’t be taken apart.

The Good:

Handle and Floorboard

The only update this thing has had in thirty years is the addition of a handle to the back and an extra piece that can be fit into the floor, so after you kid falls out of the leg openings and runs himself over, you can install the floor piece and then use the hand-hole in the back of the roof to push them around the neighborhood in it. Of course, the height of the handle is just low enough that you’ll be extremely uncomfortable the entire time if you are over five-foot-four.

Kids Love It
After all the aggravation this thing caused me, when it comes down to it, every kid absolutely loves it. They just do. The look on my sons face when he saw his new car was enough to make it all worth it.

Maybe.